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Fiendish Feasts: Devil’s Eggs

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Serves 2 Satanists Hungry For Despair


Use the dark arts to create a fiery Hellpit (a portal to Hell).

Barter with the Hellpit’s demonic Senior Manager to procure 1 dozen rare and delectable Devil’s Eggs. This should only take about 20 minutes, if you’re prepared for the consequences.

Pairs well with Slow-Roasted Goat, Human Meatloaf, and Strawberry Crepes. That being said, there’s no better way to be one with Satan than devouring His offspring along with a bowl of Penta-Grahams™.

Cooking TIme:

15 minutes (or the time it takes to read and understand a page from Dante’s Inferno)


  • 1 lifetime of Evil Deeds
  • 1 dozen Devil’s eggs
  • 2 ounces Goat Horn Powder
  • 1 tablespoon Mustard
  • ¼ cup Mayonnaise [replace with more mustard, if like me, you think that Mayonnaise is a far more infernal creation than anything found in Lucifer's humble abode]
  • 1 quart Beelzebub’s Finest Unholy Habanero Hot Sauce™
  • 1 bucket The Blood of 2 Virgins
  • Salt, Pepper, & Paprika – more or less to taste
  • Optional: 1 Severed Left Hand (preferably a dominant one)


In the bucket, mix the blood of two virgin’s thoroughly. WARNING: In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with Holy Water and seek out a professional exorcist.

Pour into an extra large saucepan and bring to a boil. This step is particularly enjoyable if done while listening to a soundtrack of sacrificial screams.

Lower the temperature and drop all 12 red Devil’s Eggs into the hot liquid. Cook for 5 minutes.

Let cool and retrieve the eggs carefully using tongs.

Peel the scaly skin off the eggs. You can save these shells for later, to add crunch, if desired.

Cover peeled eggs with shame and suffering for 15 minutes. Mix the mayo, mustard, goat horn powder, and Beelzebub’s Hot Sauce together while you wait.

When the time is up, halve the eggs and sprinkle salt, pepper, and paprika on top.

Finally, drizzle the hot sauce concoction over the eggs. [Note: most actions should be completed with your left hand, so as not to upset our malevolent leader].

Serving Tip: Prior to consumption, place the Devil’s Eggs in the palm of the severed left hand for that special aesthetic touch.

Now eat the damned things.


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