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Favorite Five: Date Night Horror Movies

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A horror movie has limitless possibilities: to scare, to disgust, to startle, to amaze, and even to get you laid. The horror genre has long been a staple of the classic movie date night, precisely because it gives you ample time to cuddle up to your startled date, as they are frightened right into your arms. They feel safe with you, and obviously, human contact is a good thing. Also, if you’ve seen the movies a few time, you’ll be ready for the crazy bits, and will look all the more brave for it.

But how scary is too scary, and what kind of movie should you choose? Do you go classic with JAWS or John Carpenter’s THE THING, or do you go new newer with PARANORMAL ACTIVITY or INSIDIOUS? Whatever you do, don’t choose SAW. I’d also stray away from AMERICAN PSYCHO, since I don’t think it’s sending the right message.

This forthcoming list is devised for budding relationships, for those still feeling each other out and getting to know each other. Perhaps this is the first time you’ve been at one another’s house/apartment, and not at a restaurant or cafe or theater. Movie date night is all the more intimate when it comes in the comfort of your own home, and a clean living room and popcorn can do wonders for your image.

To be clear, this list is a reflection of my personal tastes, because your movie choice on a date is absolutely a reflection of your personality. If you’re going to bring an Ethiopian thriller that no one has heard of, more power to you, but you’re also letting fly a lot of red flags and it could blow up in your face. For me, the most important thing when it comes to a gal is her¬†sense of humor; as such, many of my choices are horror comedies, providing laughs and thrills. They are also more likely to establish a dialogue or commentary throughout the movie, so not only are you bonding over a shared experience, you’re thriving in a low stress social situation (you could even prepare jokes, if you wanna be that guy). Many of the classics and BEST horror movies aren’t found on this list either, because those are sacred, those are “tests” for later dates, when you need to know if this boy or gal is marriage material (don’t like Romero or Raimi? The door is that way).

For the most part, I avoided the slasher genre. For one: if you’re looking to terrify your lady friend, don’t do so while negatively reinforcing the idea of making out and fooling around. In every slasher movie, couples that get it on get killed, and that could subconsciously ruin any chance of some romance that night. Of course, hopefully you’re not with a someone that easily affected by FRIDAY THE 13TH, but why risk it?

So what kicks us off with the #5 spot?

5. URBAN LEGEND (1998)

urbanlegend

I’ll start off by completely breaking the rules I outlined above, proving my hypocrisy once and for all. URBAN LEGEND is pretty much a slasher film, but, like SCREAM and FINAL DESTINATION, it has that fun hip 90′s meta factor (it’s basically a SCREAM-in-college knockoff sans Ghostface).

Before you click away: a great date night horror movie doesn’t necessarily have to be GOOD. URBAN LEGEND is definitely not that. It’s pure 90′s cheese, as we follow a group of college kids who suspect deaths are related to infamous urban legends. That being said, it’s also hilarious in its quality level, and features an awesome cast for what could be a nostalgic and entertaining date. It has Jared Leto, in the peak of his sex appeal. Giving your date some eye candy is a divisive notion; you’re now throwing yourself into the mix with a bunch of hot celebrities, how do you compare to that? You won’t, but you don’t have to. You’re the one who’s there, and that pent-up sexual energy, fueled by the Jared Leto’s of the world, has only one logical destination: you.

Jared Leto doesn’t do it for you? He’s probably the least interesting choice in this 90′s all-star teen cast. The #1 selling point for me is that the film has DAWSON’S CREEK and FRINGE star Joshua Jackson. It also has Rebecca Gayheart, the inventor of the crazy eyes. It even has Michael Rosenbaum, before he went bald and became Lex Luthor in SMALLVILLE. And don’t forget BOSTON PUBLIC’s Loretta Devine, who does the investigating and worrying about the next generation. Throw in a cameo by FREDDY himself, Robert Englund, and SUPERNATURAL’s Julian Richings as “Weird Janitor” and you have a deliciously campy romp. That’s not to say URBAN LEGEND is devoid of creeps and scares: Tara Reid is in the film.

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Comments

  1. Old wreckless says:

    I’m convinced I’ll try these out, but if I’m not getting it in I’m blaming you. Also wanna talk about horror, gore and torture, make your date watch all of water world. By the end of the night she will be tearing her eyes out, and cloths off.

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