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Fiendish Feasts: Witches’ Brew

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Witches’ Brew


Serves 7-9 Wicked Alcoholics


Procure a fresh human hand by whatever means necessary and get out your largest cauldron (or a less cliché pot). The rest of the the various rare ingredients can be found at your local (Famous) Monster-Mart.

Cooking Time:

Hot: 3 hours

Cold: Mix, add ice, and serve.

Pairs well with Human Meatloaf, Finger Food, and Crostini.


  • 1 Freshly Severed Human Hand
  • 1 Hair Strand (per guest)
  • 4 gallons Polluted Water
  • 10 Cinnamon Sticks
  • 1 Eye of Newt
  • 3 teaspoons Whole Cloves
  • 1 Dog Tongue
  • 5 tablespoons Honey
  • 57 Troll Teeth (canines included)
  • 6 Garden Snakes (for added spice, find a baby Hydra)
  • Champagne (the amount is up to you)
  • 1 pound Organic Black Cat (ground)
  • 3 bottles Sparkling Apple Cider
  • 1 case of Ginger Ale
  • 1 Live Frog
  • 4.5 liters Cheap Vodka (the cheaper the better)
  • 6 ounces Pure Vampyre Blood
  • 4 diced Pineapples
  • 1 pinch Goblin Dandruff
  • 1 bushel Raspberries
  • 1 Elven Ear
  • 1 pint Cranberry Juice


Affix your cauldron or pot above the flames of the Ancient Ones. Fill with polluted water, champagne, sparkling apple cider, ginger ale, vodka, vampyre blood, & cranberry juice. Mix well, with the business end of a broom, and bring to a boil.

Once boiling, sprinkle in troll teeth, ear, dandruff, tongue of dog, eye of newt, honey, cloves, cinnamon, raspberries, and pineapple. Mix thoroughly.

Add in the black cat and frog to liven things up and turn up the heat.

Once smoking, let sit for as long as you can be patient. Then, pluck a strand of hair from each and every witch or warlock who will be sampling the infernal beverage.

Drop each strand into the fiery liquid, and pour immediately into goblets.

Garnish each glass with a garden snake.


CAUTION! Just one glass of this toxic cocktail will have you thinking naughty thoughts about even the most green-skinned & warty Witches of Yore.


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