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Fiendish Feasts: Human Meatloaf

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 Human Meatloaf


Serves 1 Small Wolfpack (3-4 werewolves)


Hunt during the full moon. Flay the skin from your victims, season the meat and let cool for 12 hours before cooking.

Cooking Time:

1 hour – cook over the coals of the Ancient Ones.

Pairs well with The Blood of Innocents, Buttered Toes, and milk.


  • 25 lbs Human Meat (ground)
  • 2 lbs Human Bone, Sinew, and Muscle (for a richer & thicker texture)
  • 8 White Onions (diced)
  • 16 Green Peppers
  • 4 Jalapeno Peppers
  • 1 Habanero Pepper
  • 1 quart Manton Kosher Salt
  • 1 quart Howlry’s Seasoning Salt
  • 17 Garlic Cloves (minced)
  • 4 pints Human Blood (mixed blood types for a medley flavor)
  • 1 Human Heart (no more than 1 day old)
  • 2 pairs of Eye Balls (diced neatly)
  • 1 deboned Human Hand (w/ julienned fingers)
  • 1 dollop Human Urine
  • 1 tuft Human Back Hair (to enrich your own fur)
  • ½ bottle Bourbon
  • 1/3 cup Smoked Knuckles
  • 7 nipples
  • 1 fine layer of Human Skin (to drape over completed loaf)
  • 1 liter BBQ Human Sauce (vinegar-y, spicy, or sweet varies by region of meat)
  • As much Toe Cheese as you can find
  • Optional: 1 pinch Dragonfyre (hard to procure)


This is an ideal meal to make with the leftovers after a kill, if you can control yourself, as the juices and fat of the human kill can absorb the wonderful seasonings and sauces to make an even heartier meal that will enliven your taste buds. The perfect antidote to a werewolf pack tired of the same meal every full moon. Celebrate a successful night’s hunt with a party in your mouth the next day for lunch.

Flay the human skin and save it for later. Mash together human meat until ground while it is still fresh.

Note: All leftover body parts and scraps may be fed to the omegas of the pack.

Mix all ingredients, save the skin layer and nipples, into the meat with the ferocity of a mother protecting her wolfpup. Shape into a giant human meatloaf sized pan.

Cover in a meat locker or the refrigerator of the dead human (poetic justice), until the next day.

When ready, cover the loaf with the human skin we saved earlier and top with the nipples.

Heat a brick oven, preferably with a fire fueled by the screams of children, to 475 degrees. Sear meat for 1 hour.

Remove and allow to cool for 1/2 hour.

Dig into the fleshy morsel with your wolf boys. You’ll be howling to the moon after the first bloody and delicious bite!


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