- Air Date: 11/21/2012
- Directed By: David Semel
- Starring: Zachary Quinto, Sarah Paulson, Lizzie Brocheré, James Cromwell, Jessica Lange, Evan Peters
- Guest Stars: Chloë Sevigny
Welcome to the color wheel of monsters! In this episode we are witness to everything from the Devil herself to a doctor with severe mommy-issues. Fittingly titled “The Origins of Monstrosity”, we see every incarnation of monster imaginable with each monster realizing their full potential and transforming as American Horror Story starts evolving towards the peak of all the story arcs. That, and there’s nothing like a grown man breast feeding.
We pick up our present day story with the police discovering the bodies of the fake Bloody Faces strung up from the ceiling. They get a phone call from the one-armed wonder’s phone (please note: Adam Levine is still dead, there is still much rejoicing) with a Dr. Thredson-esque voice on the other line saying he killed the imposters and it is then revealed that Real Bloody Face has the still-alive wife is in his grasp and strapped to a table. I’m actually okay with this. I think Zachary Quinto will be a very handsome older man.
Back to 1964 where Briarcliff has a new potential inmate being dropped off, Jenny. Jenny is just like any other little girl; she likes her hair in braided pigtails and has a tendency to stab people she doesn’t like and blame it on a man with a beard and brown coat. It reminds me very much of my childhood. Sister Jude tells Jenny’s distraught mother that Briarcliff doesn’t have a children’s ward yet and there’s nothing she can do for them. The mother begs and pleads but Sister Jude sends her away saying prayer is her answer. Before they leave, Jenny does take to Sister Mary Eunice aka the Devil Incarnate who tells Jenny she has the gift of authentic impulse which Jenny takes to heart as it’s revealed at the end of the episode that she murdered her family. Um… Happy Thanksgiving?
Meanwhile, Lana’s trying to play Mommy long enough to save herself while Dr. Thredson reveals his childhood of growing up in an orphanage after being abandoned by a mother who never touched him. Can we talk about these orphanages for a second? How bad are they? I mean, I know they’re bad in a Dickensian sense, but it can’t exactly be close to the Saw-trap that he’s confined Lana to. The guy can make a delicious looking croque monsieur and get into medical school for crying out loud!
After Thredson discovers Lana trying to escape and is yelled at over the phone by Kit, who’s catching up to this plot, Thredson decides that Lana must die too. Lana, however, does the most sane thing you can in this situation: by saying she’ll be his mommy, to the lunatic who strapped her down and is now lording over her topless with a scalpel. But you can’t choose your family, right?
We’re also treated to an appearance by Monsignor Timothy who’s agreed to give a random woman her last rights after other priests have refused. Tim recognizes the woman as Shelley and heads back to Briarcliff to confront Dr. Arden. We then get the back story of Tim and Arden who agree that after the church takes over Briarcliff, Arden will be allowed to continue his experiments for the greater good of finding something that will make us super-awesome-strong-mutants after the Russians nuke us. Again, this is in 1964. Arden reveals his newest experiment, Kelly Ripa’s husband, who Arden has injected with strains of syphilis and tuberculosis, something that a Tide Stain Pen will never fix.
Tim has had enough and rails on about how he’s going to blow the lid off the whole thing but Arden says something menacingly about the whole thing. Tim backs down and agrees to send Sister Jude (“their common enemy” according to Dr. Arden) to a house for wayward girls in Pittsburgh. After initially fighting it, Sister Jude relents and accepts God’s will. (Though everyone who hears this is all, “Pittsburgh? That’s awful!!” which seems a little reactionary. I had a friend once that went to Pittsburgh and apparently it’s lovely.)
But before Sister Jude leaves for the wayward girls she wants to get the final piece of evidence (Dr. Arden’s finger prints) to the Nazi Hunter who is sure that Arden is Alan Rickman, er, I mean Hans Gruber. But, before Sister Jude can reach him, Sister Mary Eunice slashes his throat and leaves him for dead. When Sister Jude arrives he just manages to tell her that it was Sister Mary Eunice who killed him. And with Sister Jude’s unsurprised look… till next time, friends!