- Air Date: 1/2/2013
- Directed By: Michael Lehman
- Starring: Zachary Quinto, Sarah Paulson, Lizzie Brocheré, James Cromwell, Jessica Lange, Evan Peters
- Guest Stars: Frances Conroy
We’re back!! After a crucifixion, little green men, and some role reversals AHS is back to wrap up the madness that it has brought on itself. We start off, like any great conclusion, with James Cromwell smacking someone around. Kit, who Arden brought to near death, is revived by the aforementioned smacks and Arden lies and said the green men did not appear. Little does Kit know, behind door number one is a heavily pregnant Grace and Pepper who also appears pregnant and is charged with Grace’s safety. Pepper who is now a lucid, if not a bit snarky, member of society and taunts Arden by saying the aliens laugh at him and his attempts at human experimentation. And there’s nothing worst than being mocked by a pregnant mental patient. Trust.
Elsewhere in Briarcliff Monsignor Tim has survived and after his brush with the Angel of Death who told him that Devil was in Sister Mary Eunice. Tim is now hellbent on exorcising Mary Eunice while Mary Eunice is hellbent on introducing the inmates to the wonders on a jukebox. Yes, the non-ironic record player has been replaced with an equally non-ironic jukebox.
While in the rec room, Thredson enters and tells Kit and Lana that he is now a resident physician at Briarcliff. Since Lana’s daliance with the coat hanger didn’t quite work out, Thredson tells them that he’ll let Lana live long enough to properly breastfeed their child. While Thredson vows to keep Kit on a short leash, Kit still has Thredson’s taped confession under a bathtub. Ironically, that’s the same place I woke in after New Year’s.
During a random room check, Mary Eunice finds a cucumber in Jude, now Judy’s, room. And after Judy get lippy, Marry Eunice decides it’s a great time to fry Judy’s brain, because how else are you going to enjoy semi-iconic 60s pop songs. Speaking of semi-iconic 60s pop songs, while Judy’s brain is trying to rewire itself after the nasty bout of shock therapy, she manages to put on the titular Name Game on the jukebox. Cue the reminder that showrunner Ryan Murphy also made Glee. While I like seeing the actors happy and using their dance skills they learned in their Julliard movement classes, the sing along musical style of The Name Game was a big leap, even for AHS. I can’t say I’m a fan of this scene. It feels like something stuck in to be weird. It doesn’t advance plot or characters really, but it does make an excellent gif I guess.
But it wouldn’t be AHS if there was just a musical number going on. Fear not, behind door number two we’ve got Mary Eunice, kind of raping Monsignor Tim. It’s awkward, weird and in the words of Sister Mary Eunice feels like “a warm, wet hug.” Which is of course the moment Arden decides to walk in on. I’d wager this is twenty times worse than walking in on your parents doing something similar.
Arden goes all emo on us and kills his zombie mutants, including Kelly Ripa’s husband. So, there’s that. Arden begs Mary Eunice to take pity on him and kill him. Because on top on being mocked by a mental patient, he’s being taunted by extraterrestrials and his Devil-possessed girlfriend doesn’t love him. Actually, that does sound pretty depressing.
While sniffing around Arden’s medical eqipment for something eeeeeeevil, Thredson discovers Grace giving birth to Kit’s maybe-sort of alien baby. Thredson let’s Kit be with Grace and his baby in exchange for his taped confession. Kit fesses up but, BOOM, Lana beat him to the punch and re-blackmails Thredson with it. Check and mate, sir.
At the top of the stairs, Monsignor Tim grows a pair and pushes Mary Eunice over the edge of the bannister and kills her. The Angel of Death appears and takes both Mary Eunice and the Devil away. While Tim preps the body for burial, Arden pushes to have her creamated since she was touched by the Devil. Tim relents and Arden begins his prep, which is very thorough as he crawls in with the body as it’s being burned. I guess when you need to be sure, you need to be sure. Until next time!