- Air Date: 1/16/13
- Directed By: Craig Zisk
- Starring: Zachary Quinto, Sarah Paulson, Lizzie Brocheré, James Cromwell, Jessica Lange, Evan Peters
- Guest Stars: Frances Conroy, Clea DuVall
Oy vey you guys. There was so much threatening and blood in the penultimate episode of this season that I wouldn’t have been surprised if Bloody Face jumped out from behind my door and chased me around my apartment while I was watching it (but Dylan McDermott is more than welcome to chase me around my apartment anytime). For all the whackadoodle craziness of this episode, I felt unmoved. The last few episodes have made clear that all the characters we’ve formed attachments with are on the literal chopping block and this episode was no exception.
We start with a very brief cold open of Kit standing over a body with an axe. It’s way too quick, so of course there’s something else going on in this scene. Maybe they’re staging a Lizzy Borden inspired murder mystery and Kit’s wig fell off. We jump a couple years ahead in the 60s from where we left off and Kit, Grace, and Alma have formed a tweaked out, passive aggressive version of the Brady Bunch and are playing family with some kids right out of a Gap ad. Grace is obsessed with our alien overlords while Alma only wants to forget.
Alma gets Kit to spend more time with Grace while Grace tells Kit that she doesn’t want to live a life of hiding and fear. It’s one of the most heartwarming and life-affirming scenes in this entire season so, mid-sentence of course, Alma starts hacking at Grace with an axe, killing her. Kit kisses Grace while she’s dying (sniffle) and takes the axe from Alma and there’s our opening scene. I’m just going to say this, if you’re living with a convicted axe murderer, maybe don’t leave an axe around the house. If only for ironic instances like this.
Meanwhile, at Briarcliff, Jude is the most popular girl in school. Monsignor Timothy tells her that he’s been appointed Cardinal of New York and that the State is taking over Briarcliff. He promises to get her out of there and leaves. The State immediately starts filling up Briarcliff with overflow from a jail, including the Angel of Death, who seems to be channeling Danny Zuko via Goodfellas, and Alma. The Angel of Death comes on to Jude, who is her new roommate, and Alma is sad. After an outburst, Jude is told the Mosignor was made Cardinal two years ago, that the Angel of Death isn’t her roommate, and that she might actually be super crazy.
A few more years down the line and Lana is on her book tour. While doing a reading, Thredson and Wendy pop up and admonish her for changing the story, but Lana remembers why she did it and is super happy because now she’s famous and will be played by Tuesday Weld in the film adaptation. Kit actually pops up at the signing and they go for the most depressing coffee ever. While Lana rambles on about how wonderful her life is and is generally insufferable, Kit tells her that Alma was put in Briarcliff where she died.
Kit goes after Lana saying she should have focused on shutting Briarcliff down and that Jude is still in there. But Lana is happy that she’s writing upscale tabloid stories and there’s nothing she can do. And because this episode is intent on driving their entire audience insane, we flash forward to the present and Johnny aka New Bloody Face is at the same bookstore and wants to buy the first edition of Lana’s book. There’s some more menacing and a threat for next week’s episode, when I assume the moon will explode (or something) a la Land of the Dead.