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Marshmallow fluff, ladies stitched together from corpses, and sex-crazed rabbit/human hybrids… this can only mean one thing: it’s family game night in the Crypt o’ XIII! Or it’s time for another batch of revoltin’ reviews… I always get those mixed up, often with hilarious (and litigious) results…

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ROWS

•             RELEASE DATE: Available Now on DVD
•             WRITTEN BY: David W. Warfield
•             DIRECTED BY: David W. Warfield
•             STARRING: Hannah Schick, Lauren Lakis, Kenneth Hughes

What’s this? A new fright flick that advertises itself as a Gothic horror/psychological thriller inspired by the works of The Brothers Grimm (and just so happens to be set in a cornfield)? This is either going to end up mind-blowing, or just plain blowing (or it could just be mediocre, I suppose). Well, let’s see how corny ol’ ROWS gets!

Tasked with delivering an eviction notice to a reclusive woman in a s—t shack of a farmhouse by her land developer father, Rose (and her tag-a-long gal pal Greta) soon find themselves in a bubbling cauldron of trouble. Why? Because that woman is a witch who slaps a glamour upside their heads that makes them wander an endless cornfield where they must repeat all manner of ghoulish goings-on, that’s why! Will Rose break the spell and save the day, or will she just wander around for eternity wondering if it’s going to be tamales or polenta for dinner again?

ROWS exemplifies what I dig on in the world of independent fright flicks: unencumbered by bloated studio budgets (and the “play it safe” bean counters that tag along with that), some in the field take wild chances with storyline and content. With its notions of a modern day fairy-tale-come-nightmare, ROWS is ambitious to say the least. Is it always successful? No, some parts drag a bit and the acting can be dodgy in spots, but the overall concept, along with strong cinematography and a punchy score, elevate the film quite a bit.

If you enjoy flicks like the recent MEET ME THERE, then I would definitely say to give ROWS a watch; it’s unique, leaves a lot of interpretation up to the audience, and is mostly engaging throughout — a solid dream-logic pic for those that dig on such things.

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BUNNY THE KILLER THING

•             RELEASE DATE: Available Now on Blu-ray and DVD
•             WRITTEN BY: Joonas Makkonen, Miika J. Norvanto
•             DIRECTED BY: Joonas Makkonen
•             STARRING: Hiski Hämäläinen, Enni Ojutkangas, Veera W. Vilo

Well, I’m about to dive head first into a film about a half man/half rabbit with a titanic phallus that delivers ungodly harm on a group of folks holed up in a snow-bound cabin. This has become a Tuesday for me.

Usually I’d go into more detail about the flick’s plot, but basically the whole story of BUNNY THE KILLER THING is detailed right in the first sentence of this review. Sure there’s a bit more, like for instance there’s an evil scientist conducting bizarre-o experiments, a gang of multi-colored ski-mask wearin’ goons, and a small squad charged with tracking the titular creature… but honestly, you won’t even notice once ol’ Bunny starts whippin’ his appendage around like a helicopter blade and rippin’ folks limb from limb (while screaming his catch phrase that I can’t repeat here… let’s just say he likes cats).

As you can surmise, BUNNY is unlike anything you have witnessed before; it’s horribly offensive, crude, disgusting, and fun as all hell! What starts off as a relatively standard fright flick — featuring the tried and true remote cabin, the prerequisite nudity, and a fair share of wonderfully over-the-top gore — soon goes so far off the rails that it’s hard to even describe it in a way that my esteemed editor would e’en allow in these hallowed haunted halls. [Ed. Note: I’m allowing you to review it, aren’t I? Pfft.] It’s this middle-finger flyin’, anything goes (and boy does it) attitude that makes this fright flick a solid gold winner. Plus, a special round of applause to the cast of this one as they truly go above and beyond.

As for the negative aspects, I get why the filmmakers chose the creature suit they did (obvious comedic value), but with the excellence of the make-up effects on display for the carnage, I would have thought they would go for a more complex monster instead of the dirty bunny suit. But that is a small quibble, and more a matter of personal taste (I like cool ass monsters, damn it).

Suffice it to say, if you are easily offended you should drive roughly 3,569 miles away from any copy of this film. If on the other hand you find the work of Troma a tad too high-brow, then let me tell ya baby, this is the pic for you!

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